Lauren Haug Fisher

All the screaming, diving onto the bed,

Punching pillows, tears staining the sheets,

My face, the softness of my heart

Spilling over with gut-wrenching confusion.

All the hiding – afraid to go to the laundry, to go outside,

“It’s okay.  It’s okay,” paint a picture-perfect family

Online; it’s easy to defend but at some point

I knew it was all desperately pretend; hoping.

Hopeless romantic turned shrewd,

If I’m vulnerable, they’ll know how to kill me,

I cannot try, I cannot push, I cannot fight-

It’s crushing me, all the strength to rise.

Separate, detox, and oh the darkness

Clouded any sense who I am; lost

Fighting through each day; will I make it?

Yearning for the dawn of a better era.

Here I am, getting older, yet still so young,

Perched on a rock, the only smooth spot

Among barnacles, wind knocks my hair,

Sun sparkles off the ocean’s surface; can you smell it?

Life buzzes, the circle of life-

The “Yes I can” and the “Yes I did!”

The old me collapsed; here the new me sits

Beneath baby blue skies and feathery clouds.